Kpinion

First off, let’s admit that’s a kinda creepy picture above. The idea of an arm with no body gives me the heebie jeebies. But after you get over that, there’s a pretty big idea behind the two hands connected to one arm.

One hand rests open, giving whatever it possesses, the other is clenched closed taking and keeping whatever it receives. Even the muscles in the forearm show the differences. The open handed side looks so relaxed, at rest, without tension; while the clenched side of the arm just looks tight, almost as if the muscles are angry and filled with frustration.

In life there’s a constant battle between give and take. Be it relationships, finances, time, the battle rages between the give and the take. Most often we try to achieve balance, for every take their is a give, as if life was on huge scale where we add weight to each side hoping for that perfect spot of balance. Too bad that’s not possible.

Then there’s the idea that if you’re all take, you must be selfish and if you’re all give then you’re a saint. I’d agree with the all take being selfish but I’d surmise that  the all give is equally unhealthy and wrong. Extremes, while more common than we’d like to assume, are usually never good. All give with no take, means you’re going to run out of what you have to give pretty quickly. All take with no give, means you’re squirreling away whatever it is you have (or worse letting it lay unused somewhere).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that each of us are in a constant state of having that freaky arm up there. We’re both giving and taking at the same time. Sure, there are seasons in life where our hand looks more like one than the other. There’s even truth that we need to take before we can give. But we also need to make sure we’re giving as we take.

Not sure I have a nice little thought to land this all on. Mostly it’s something my mind has been struggling with. The giving and taking in my own life, with my time, with my friendships, with my job, with my faith. When can I stop and say “Look I just need to take right now to make it through this” or maybe it’s me knowing that I’m in a position to give more than I have, or maybe even giving when I don’t feel like it.

Well, there you go. After months of perpetual silence on my blog, I’m back with a rambling post with no end. Oh well, so goes my mind. I’d love your thoughts if you’d care to comment.

Ok, so moving and starting a new job might not be conducive to lots of free time for blogging but hey it gives me lots of things to write about.

So what has been going on in the life of Katie over the last two months? Change, change, and more change. I’ve started a new job at a new church. Well same job but new church. I’ve moved a bit closer to my home town of Denton, but still in the center of DFW. I’ve packed and unpacked about a million boxes (ok maybe just a hundred and there are still some left to be unpacked). I’ve met new kids and families and started to build relationships that make my job so worthwhile. I’ve laughed and cried and even questioned decisions and actions.

I think I’m still in the state of settling in and finding my new normal. Easy things to do in the midst of the holiday season (known as GAME DAY in the church world) of course. I know that normal will come eventually and without some grand fanfare.

So that’s me.

So three years ago right around this time I had just received a new job in Fort Worth. I was packing up boxes and preparing to move to a new town where I knew no one but my new co-workers. Here I am in the same spot, three years later.

About a month ago I accepted a position as Director of Children’s Ministry at First Baptist Church of Coppell and I’m once again in the process of packing and moving to a new town where I know no one but my co-workers.

Ever feel like life is on a repeating loop? Ha, I do, but it’s a good loop that starts over frequently, but with different players and a new place to live.

I’m excited, a little bit scared (hey it’s something new and that always has a twinge of fear attached), sad to leave being at least geographically close to great friends here in Fort Worth, and generally overwhelmed that my life is changing again but in a good way.

So over the next few weeks I’ll pack all those empty boxes that are sitting in my apartment, say goodbye to kids and families that I’ve watched grow (literally!!!) over the last few years, say goodbye to the random people I see everyday at my gym and Starbucks (sad, I love my Starbucks, they know me, my car, and my drink!), and finish off at my current church home where I blazed my path in kids ministry as full-time paid work.

I’ll admit, I don’t like change. It freaks me out and yet secretly excites me at the same time. I think it’s because you’re dealing with two huge and battling feelings of excitement and sadness. You’re excited for the new, the uncharted, the unknown, but at the same time you mourn and miss the constant, the known, the what has been. And in those few weeks of the in between you’re feeling both sides fully and completely and that can be very overwhelming.

So changes are on the horizon again. It’s another chapter in the book of the life of Kpinion. Maybe this chapter will allow for a bit more blogging, thinking, reflecting, or general useless rambling (a jewel of a talent that I possess).

So that’s what’s up in my life right now. How about you?

I was never the sporty type girl, instead I excelled in books and organizations. Oh sure I played games on the playground and participated in the community softball league. There was also that season of rugby I played my freshmen year in college, intramural though. But if given the opportunity to describe myself in a few key words, sporty would never be one of them.

I’m also clumsy, as anyone who knows me will attest. I’ve perfected the art of falling, tripping, running into things, all topped with an overall lack of balance.

With these great foundations, my journey of physical fitness has been comedic to say the least. Over the last four weeks I’ve discovered the following:

• I can’t stand on one leg without falling over.
• I have no core, or at least a very small core.
• If an exercise requires me to be coordinated it is very entertaining to watch me attempt it.
• I laugh at myself a lot.
• I don’t get sore but I do get tired.

(Note I started this a month ago and am picking it back up now – yikes, but oh well here are the rest of my thoughts)

But with 8 weeks of training sessions down, I find that I’m the bitter gym rat. I’m there 6 days a week, enough in fact that a few of the people at the front desk greet me by name as soon as I walk through the doors, many of the trainers recognize me and stop to say hello, and I’m beginning to notice the people that are “regulars” during my normal work out times. Also, I’m stronger and fitter than I have been in a long while. I found my core, though it’s still pretty small and only semi-functional. My balance has improved immensely although my clumsiness hasn’t. And best of all I surprise my trainer weekly with my progress. There’s something about the praise of a professional that makes you feel a bit better about yourself.

Now for more things I’ve  discovered about myself:

• I can run but I don’t like it, nor do I ever anticipate myself liking it.
• I don’t think I have endorphins (at least the ones that are supposed to fill you with joy after a tough workout).
• I make faces when I lift weights – as I found out when a complete stranger complimented me on them. AUGH!
• I competitive with myself when it comes to trying things I don’t think I can actually do. This was a nice discovery because I knew it applied to0 other areas of my life, but I’d pretty much given up on the athletic competitive area.
• And lastly, I think I’ve created a habit for working out. 

So that’s the update on my journey. I have about 3 or 4 weeks left with the trainer and then I’m on my own. Honestly, that freaks me out a bit, because without accountability I am really good at making excuses and justifying not working out. So I guess that’s the main test of whether this is a habit or a fad. Here’s to four more weeks of pain (or fun as my trainer calls it).

Ok, I know, if anyone still reads my blog you are shaking your head and sighing loudly that it has been something like 3 months since I’ve posted anything.

Well let’s just put it out there, I’ve been busy and preoccupied and probably a bit uninspired. And that seems to be a trend with my blogging for the last, oh year or so. BUT I hope to change that and wade back into the blogging pool slowly but with the intent to swim in the deep end again.

Yes, this is one of those posts that seems to hold promise but is really just a primer for the future “real” post, but that’s what you get today.

So come back soon, if you haven’t written me off for good, and I’ll have some updates on things going on in the world of Kpinion.