I recently told a friend I thought some of the decisions I had made throughout my life had made my life small. What that that moment was a sad realization of missed opportunities and unchosen roads soon revealed itself to be a selfish and arrogant statement of a heart focused on my glory.

I wanted the path of fame and fortune, the one where all my wishes and plans came true in my timing, where my worth was measured by the envy and awe of others. But what life is that? One that seeks only its own, its fame, its way, its glory. And yet that hasn’t been the path my life took, oh there are glaring moments of that, but it hasn’t been my destination.

Instead my “small” life has been part of a greater whole. It’s the difference of rushing ahead with the sun at your back, out front for all to see, or in the shadow of it’s blinding light, following the path it illuminates.

I’ve spoken the truth of the gospel to hundreds of children. I’ve showed them love and grace. I’ve befriended, comforted, challenged, and walked alongside high school, college, and young adult women and men and spoken truth into their lives. I’ve been broken of ugly sin that made me ugly. I’ve forgiven hurts that have rooted so deeply in my heart that hatred bloomed and flourished. I’ve reconciled and love those who have hurt me. I’ve grown in grace and faith and truth.

So yes, my life might be smaller now than what a I planned it to be. Yet, I wonder just how large that life would have been. How big would I feel when my worth came from other’s praise; built upon the glory of me, my accomplishments, my success, me. When I am the foundation for the size of my life, it must be small.

No one is really “larger than life”, we just see them that way. They are what we all are: mortal, faulted, lacking for more. Yet, when we see our small lives as part of the larger, greater, truly larger than life (because He is the creator and giver of life), eternal God, we are part of the largest life possible.

Then we are both small and large. Our small life for His large life. A foundation of me traded for a foundation of Him. My life measured not by me, but by and in Him.

Maybe I didn’t miss the opportunities after all. Maybe I chose the right road I just didn’t know it then. Maybe my life is much bigger than I’ve ever thought, because it’s not my life anymore.